The music in our lives and in our souls

I was in the car today and put on a CD by Linkn Park. I dont remember the album but there are only 4 songs i consider good on there, the rest were sappy pieces of, well you know what i mean. I started rocking out to them, letting them sink in, hell one of them even had me tearing up a bit because of how true the things it said were. Im man enough to admit that. But the thing is, these songs were really about... hate. Why do i connect with them so much? Why can these kinds of songs lift me out of depression? Is it because i need hate in my life so that i have a purpose?

Im and angry person. There's no way around it. I can be nice and intelligent and kind and all that jazz. Hell i can even play jazz. But when it comes down to it, at my core, everything is influenced, if not motivated, by my deathless anger.

The World Hates... Everyone

No matter what we do, something always goes wrong.

Honesty. You get slapped in the face.
Making an attempt. You still disappoint someone that matters to you.
Trying to protect someone. Your either not good enough, or when you are You are the one that needs to be protected from.
Striving for perfection. Your not there yet.
Putting yourself out there. You get run over.
Trying to talk intelligently with someone. They become suspicious of you and start fighting you, ignoring whether your right or wrong.
Having faith in something. There's always doubts.

Maybe I'm just depressed, but I'm sure everyone in the world has experienced atleast one of these at some time or another. Or will anyway...

A poem

Mantra of Questions



We question your faith
We question your values
We question everything
Because we dont need the likes of you.

The government
The Man
The establishment with the plan
We despise you
Because you try to enslave your fellow man.

Is it so hard
To ask the questions?

Is this real?

Is this true?

How can I believe you?

Because the ones who spread their faith
Are the ones who will betray ours.
The ones who preach love
Turn a blind eye to the Hours.

The Hours of Need.

The Hours of Pain.

The Hours when a man has nothing to gain.

You must believe
Only in yourself.
If you don't
You'll end up like everyone else.

Not Knowing

Not knowing sucks. Its like a knife slowly cutting away at your heart, peeling off the skin of your face in strips, cutting apart your sense of the world into pieces. And then waving it in front of your face like teasing a dog with a piece of food. It turns your world upside down and then kicks it in the face. Not knowing if you will pass the class, not knowing if the one you love is ok, not knowing if tomorrow will be there... when your on the streets you can feel it. When your alone and afraid you can feel it. When something like a hijacked airplane turns into a missile or a boy given a gun and told to be a soldier. When something outside your control happens, whether its behind the scenes or up and in your face, your stomach drops, you break out in a sweat, you get this tingling in your fingers, you notice everything, you Feel everything. Even if a pin drops, your mind registers it, because when you don't know whats happening or what will happen, you want to know EVERYTHING. It's an adrenaline rush. One of those things you live for. To not know... it opens your mind to all the world, letting you take it all in, process it and think. I heard somewhere that the first step to enlightenment is that you know nothing. Or maybe I just made that up, I don't know.

But eventually just the emptiness takes over, it leaves you drained. Tired. Depressed. Like the world is set against you, when it really couldn't care less. In the grand scheme of things, you are really nothing unless you make yourself something. Take Napoleon for example, little short fat guy who turned out to be a genius. Or Marx, crazy Pole with crazy parents and just sat down and thought over the world. Granted he wasn't the first of all those ideas, but without him promoting it we wouldn't have Communism. A bane and a blessing considering how its turned out and how it can be. These men didn't know what was in store for them, and didn't know either what was in store for the world because of them. But they took their chances with not knowing an ran with them.

Not knowing hurts, it kills, but it is part of our humanity. Because when you don't know, you are pushed to think, to do, to be human.

Weary Blues

Inspired by my brief (and now fixed... I hope) troubles with my love. This is from a summer school assignment this year. We studied the Harlem Renaissance and made poems that had to include the 5th stanza in this.

Weary Tune

I'm just hoofin' it down the street
Hoofin' it down this here street
I need somewhere to rest my weary feet.

Whistling a tune
Whistling a tune
Just a weary blues tune.

Yes look away
Just look away
Avoid my eyes and get on with your day.

'Cause I ain't got nothin'
'Cause I don't know nothin'
All I got is this weary blues tune.

I got the weary blues
And I cant be satisfied
I got the weary blues
And I cant be satisfied
I ain't happy no mo'
And I wish I had died.

I wish I had died
I wish I hadn't lied
I wish instead of losing you
I lost my pride.

Now I have nowhere to go
Now I have nowhere to turn
Just because of the Book I burned.

So I'm hoofin' it down the street
Hoofin' it down the street
Avoidin' the eyes of the people I meet.

A random rant/poem

Delete

To remove. To banish.
To make non-existent.
This is the cruelty of delete.
To take away possibility.
Would you delete a mistake?
A falsehood? A cult?
Would you delete a child?
A challenge? A belief?
What gives you the right?
You sit at your keyboard of life,
Idle and bored.
Then you see the delete button,
And decide to delete some more.
Its arbitrary. Its fast.
Its meaningless.
Is it?
We’ve tried to delete too many times.
Anti-semetism. Red Fear.
Counter-culture and the year 1820.
Rebellion and Revolution are always the victims of delete.
Troubled kid? Give him meds.
Troubled country? Send in the Marines.
Troubled economy? Free checks for everyone!
Delete destroys,
Even when it fails.
That, is the cruelty of delete.

If you thought reality tv was stupid...

The Japanese are worse (these guys might actually be Chinese but i doubt it). This is basically their main source of entertainment. While its funny as hell, theres nothing to think about with it. Is their society just work, distract yourself, sleep? They have better education systems according to the tests. They put out alot more in tech than most of the world. So do they just blow their brains out at work and then come home for some mindless entertainment? What kind of life is that?

But hey, American entertainment isn't always mind provoking. True, but look at what IS mind provoking in U.S. entertainment. Almost all old shows. Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, etc. While newer shows are mostly just mind numbing bores. Take MTV for example. It used to be MUSIC television. Now they might as well call it SBTV, Spoilt Brat Television, home of the OC, where the only thing you have to worry about is if you look hot or not. But hey, atleast the Japs have one thing right, guys trying to get through holes is funny.

See it here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=84_QL1kEmH4&feature=related

Edit: Yet again, a youtube video I like has been deleted only a few days after I found it... but if youve seen a Japanese gameshow, you know what im talking about. They are kind of like a gay (I mean that with every sense of the word) anime version of American Gladiator... which I hate. I was expecting REAL gladiator battles but yet again, the media disappoints me.